The irony of my blogging habits are that I never seem to have the time when my life is busy and there is actually something to write about.  Alternately, when I have the time I usually don’t have an awful lot to report on.  

For instance, in the last year and a half, we have done more travelling than we as a family have done in a lifetime.  We went to Disney for two weeks in October 2007.  Then in May 2008 Mick and I took a much belated honeymoon to Jamaica.  In June of 2008 we went back to Jamaica and took Kai with us.   Then in January of 2009 we went back again as a family.  None of this was blogged about.  

In keeping with this anti-blogging train, we put our house up for sale this past May.  It sold in two weeks and we spent the next few weeks finding a new one.  We will be moving in August to Brooklin, Ontario which is about a 10 minute drive from where we currently reside.

 However, maybe it is not the big events that really need blogging about.  After all, the big events are actually easier to remember than the precious day to day stuff.  Last night, for instance, I made a really unusual discovery.  I noticed a piece of grass on the dining room rug so I bent down to pick it up.  When I was down there I noticed this big pile of grass and leaves hiding on the seat of one of the dining chairs, which was tucked neatly under the table.  At first, I was confused as to why this pile of garden debris was in my house until I remembered that earlier in the day, Kai was playing with a caterpillar.  So part one of the mystery was solved.  My only problem now is trying to figure out  WHERE THE HECK THE CATERPILLAR IS NOW???? 

I was diagnosed with M.S. five years ago.  While symptoms vary from person to person I have personally experienced, numbness in my feet, legs, torso, one side of my face and hands.  I have temporarily lost vision in one eye.  I have problems with memory, mood, cognitive issues and extreme fatigue.  I have weakness in my legs and  I deal with ongoing pain in my arms and a continous burning feeling in my hands.  Sometimes the pain completely prohibits me from working on my computer which means that I am often unable to follow my creative passion to design, or make scrapbook pages.   However, I still feel very fortunate because I am still generally healthy and still mobile.  Others are not near as lucky.

The cure is within our grasp and we are asking for your help.  Together I am certain we can make miracles happen!  Please sponsor my personal fundraising effort at the National M.S. Society here.  Also, please consider passing this message along and inviting your own friends and crew to join the cause.  Every little effort counts and there are so many people who will benefit from such a small deed.

Thank you.

 Maya

I hate winter.  Don’t like the cold one bit.  I can’t warm up and spend most of my awake time with my shoulders pinned to my ears, and musles all tight and stiff.  The only thing that can warm me when I get like that is a hot bath and so, typically I have one or two hot baths a day.   It’s not so bad when I don’t have to go out anywhere, so I tend to spend most of the winter indoors. 

 This winter was especially bad and so I haven’t been out for much at all.  Kai started walking to and from school with the next door neighbour kids, so I haven’t even had to go out for that.   I’ve been pretty happy to spend most of the season in sweats or flannel so there’s really no point in shaving my legs either.  I’m not too proud to admit it.  You might as well call it a hybernation, but the bear crawled out of her cave recently and frightened the beejeebers out of herself by what a terrible hairy mess she was!  Lot’s of new grey hair showing up as well.  So it was time to book an appointment at the salon to get freshened up and beautified.

The salon I go to is a pretty hip place considering the suburbian environment it is parked right in the middle of.  It is much more Downtown Toronto which is, honestly, one of the things that most attracted me to it.  When we moved here 5 years ago I felt as if we had gone backwards in time by 10-20 years.  That would be great if I got younger in the process, but all it really meant was that there were suddenly lots of people with mullets and acid wash jeans all around me.  My first few attempts at finding a new hair stylist, failed.   I’ve been going to Xpressions for about 3 years now and each visit is more enjoyable than the last, and I am always 100% completely pleased with what they do to my hair.

While I am comfortable and happy to go with any of the stylists there, Paula was the first to cut my hair and is also my favorite.   Yesterday she was in so I was lucky to have her again.  Paula is one of those people in my life who seemingly play such an insignficant role in my story, but do so with presence and panache.  She is, without a doubt, a true “character”.   

Paula has that vintage pin-up girl look from head to toe, and she is also covered in beautiful tattoos.   Her hair is always over the top poofy retro-gorgeous, dyed in trendy current colors.  Today’s look includes a thin, all-over top layer of platinum blonde with dark brunette underlayers.  As always she has a short bang and this time it the bottom inch was brown with the rest platinum.  Often she has a bright red Flamenco styled flower in her hair, but yesterday it was a green feathered embellishment.    Her lips are always cherry red, and her eyelashes (which I was amazed to learn are actually real) are thick, long and fluttery fabulous.  She is alwasy wearing stiletto heels (all day on marble floors) and her clothing style is very retro inspired, if not purchased from vintage boutiques.  I think she is about 22 .  

Most of the staff in the salon are tattood, pierced or both, and each and every one of them have unique fabulous hair styles in lots of fun colours.  Everything about the shop says “artistry” to me.   I’m a creative person and I love to be in creative environments.  Yes, I go in to a salon for with the hope of coming out with fabulous new hair, but, I also go in with the intention of having a great experience. 

I have suffered in the past going to pretentious salons where the stylist spends the first five minutes of my visit scolding me for being neglectful or abusive to my hair.   Not likely to want to go back to that kind of place again, no matter how great a job they do on my hair.   When I was a child, I remember tagging along with my mother, who like her mother before her, went to the “beauty parlour” once a week.  Those were the day of big old fashioned hair dryers and horribly strong smelling permanent chemicals.  There wasn’t much for a little girl to do in there except listen to the older hens gab and cackle.   There was always chatter going on, even if it meant yelling at each other from under the hair dryers.    It was a friendly place. 

A day at the salon, should be a friendly day.  Since this past visit was  a rare day out in such early spring, it was pretty much an event for me.  Depending on where I am at mentally and in mood, it isn’t always easy for me to deal with social situations.  I’m not anti-social or afraid. I am just slow to transition from being a hermit or alone or always among family, to suddenly being with people again.  Having your hair washed or cut or styled by another human being is a pretty intimate experience.  It can even be awkward at times if the person is not a good conversationalist.   I’m the type of person that tends to talk alot and I am famous for talking too much when I am nervous.  Plus, put that together with the fact that I am an open book and I can be a babbling idiot with no secrets.  Whatever! I’m used to me by now. :) 

Paula is getting used to me as well.  Yesterday when I got up from her chair she told me that she was amazed by my stories and had learned so many new things about me.  Poor girl doesn’t know I don’t get out much.    I’m still laughing at myself at all of the stories I uploaded to her yesterday.   I think I might even be a bit of an over-the top ”character” in her story as well. That thought amuses me, as does the idea that she might be blogging about the crazy lady he came in to the salon today.

I was there for three hours yesterday and besides Paula I spent a good part of that time with Carrie (who did my fabulous color and highlights) and then one of the “hair wash” girls, who change so often that I don’t often remember them.  However, I do remember the girl that was at the washing stand beside me.  She is a storyteller herself and likes to call everyone Honey, which I find cute.  I’m not accustomed to being called “honey” or other terms of endearment by people whom I do not have an emotional bond with.  When it happens it always gives me an odd feeling. Coming from this girl it is especially odd to me because she is so young, and when people call me honey, it makes me feel sort of like the child or younger in the relationship.   Most of the time I don’t really talk with the “hair wash girl” .  I can get away with closing my eyes and quietly relaxing. 

As it turned out, “Honey” was the stylist to dry my hair out, so I spent some time with her before being styled by this guy who I was not at all  previously familiar with.  He and I found out that we have something in common and through out that discovery I was able to get some information from him about something I had been researching.  I can’t go into the details of what it was he disclosed to me but it is information that can potentialy be life changing for me in a very positive way.  Meeting him yesterday was one of those really strange coincidences that remind me of the interconnectedness of all things and how being open and aware of that is so helpful to guide my path.

Twitter and Facebook are great for that micro-blogging stream, which is an excellent practice and challenge for me in learning how to be concise. I actually enjoy working within the character count limitations.  I sometimes get a quick inspiration to write, but am intimidated by the time demands of a decent blog post.   However, as I sign off from watching this week’s American Idol, I’m thinking that I just can’t get it down to 140 characters or less.

 Blogging about a television show I am watching seems stupid on one hand, but pulling the armchair critic role is a safe way to get back into writing and I’ve been a little rusty in that area.  Plus, I am still fascinated with the entire reality show model of television and figuring out the formula behind producing the show, from casting, to backstories, to raw talent, the coutenance of the contestants and the roles, comments and behaviours of the judges.  Oh, and who can forget editing.  Editing is the kicker when it comes to provoking or even manipulating public response.  Or is it possible that the public response provokes editing?  It’s all still so curious to me. 

So here’s my take on this week’s performances, in no particular order as to when they performed, because my mental filing sytstem is a little messed up when it comes to  that type of thing.

So I am going to say right off that I really want and need for Scott to go home.  Maybe it is because I didn’t really like that style of music back in the 70’s when it actually was relevant, or perhaps it is because I get this creepy feeling from the lounge singer stereotype.  He does seem like a nice guy and he has an ease about him that I definitely find to be an endearing quality, so Scott actually doesn’t creep me out.  It is the lounge singer thing that does that, along with the image of my having drunk a two few many martoonies please , as a lonely old broad sitting at the piano.  Actually, Scott is the opposite of creepy. He is just too Care BearTM for me, safe, and seems like he might have lived a sheltered life.  If you asked me what type of career he should be given in the music industry I would have to slate him into the crooner category but the type of songs he is choosing would make a 65 year old woman swoon. I can hear my 70 year old mom saying now  “He’s such a nice clean cut boy who sings beautifully.” The only way I can see him as relevant is if he were singing the songs on Disney movies. 

And can I please just say that the guy needs some serious help in the style department???   Last week he confessed that they never told him he was wearing pink pants until right before he went on stage.  Holy cow that sucks.  I don’t think his blindness is an issue at all when it comes to the music.  In fact, in many ways he may actually have an advantage in that area.  However, clearly not being able to see himself when he looks in the mirror is a problem here.  I get the feeling that his mother is still dressing him, or that style is not important to him, which may be understandable to a certain extent.  Style shouldn’t actually get in the way of a rock solid performance, but he isn’t rock solid, and while I am bored with his cruise ship music I can’t help but wonder……who is responsible for what he looked like today???   COME ON!!!  I see that someone decided it was time to make an effort, with his hair all slicked back on the sides and then 5 inches high up top.  It looked ridiculous.  It embarassed ME for him.  If he is going to be styled, then cut his damn hair to something more current.  Baby face Elvis was just too odd looking for me. 

The next on my hit list is Meghan.  I was actually a fan of hers when she started out on this thing and I was really pulling for her.  She definitely has the look and maybe even the artistry potential.  I like that her voice is …well…um…strange and interesting and undeniably her own and she would do very well as a recording artist, if she had good writers or even better, could write music that expressed that quirky personality as well.   Yet it is a love/hate thing too.  One second I am loving that she has all of these odd little gestures and movements and the next minute I am wishing someone would just hold her still and tell her stop jiggling like a Hawaiian kitch bobble doll.  However, I could live with that if she would hit a note every once in a while without going off key. I get the quirky style thing, but are these ”creative liberties” she is taking or does she really suck that bad?  Unfortunately, I can’t tell anymore and I don’t see how she deserves to stay and anyone else, but Scott go home.

Lil would be my next choice after the two of them.  It’s really surising too because Lil has the entire package for her genre as well.  Only problem is, that she doesn’t get it.  She has the look and she has the hard luck backstory that gets people routing for you, but most of all she has the chops.  Man that girl can sing!  She is a real powerhouse….so why does she bore me?  Week after week I am left feeling disappointed after expecting so much more from her given all the stuff she has going for her.  Mostly I think the judges are right that she is completely choosing the wrong songs.  Meanwhile, she tells us tonight that she has thought long and hard all week about choosing the right song, and that in itself is pretty revealing.  She is thinking about it too much and trying to be what she thinks they want her to be.  She doesn’t get it.  Maybe she will get it next week because I don’t think she will be voted off and she could possibly turn it around.  She needs to get soulful and feel the music.  I think she is trying to contrive the emotions rather than tapping in to some genuine feeling.  I know she chose the Celine number because of its anthem quality ending.  Applause goes to her for grandstanding the end with some showmanship of her vocal ability, but I wasn’t moved to my core.  I was just reminded that wow..she can sing…and isn’t it too bad that she bores me.   Sometimes a feeling can be whispered and have more impact. 

So unless there are any surprises, those three go home in that order before everyone else….if I had my say, that is.  Living in Canada, I can’t even vote. ;)  The next few contestants, however, are up in the air for me as to who will rise and who will fall.  Anoop, Matt and Alison are in this group.   Anoop is still improving and for that reason and because I find him extremely likeable, I want to keep him around as long as I can.  However, I can’t take him seriously and he wants to be taken seriously.   I think it is cute that he is practicing his boy band dance moves and trying to work in a few sexy sideways glances to the camera and flirtatious hand taps to pretty, front seat fans.  Is it believable….almost, but nah.  Those kind of moves work for some people, but for him they look sort of awkard, bordering on humerous.  He just doesn’t fit the part for me.   However, the intersting thing about tonight’s performance is that while the judges gave him a hard time,  I actually thought he was vocally really good tonight and I was entertained by the performance.  Mind you, I am not familiar with Usher and his original recording so I really couldn’t dispute that he may have been trying too hard to sing like Usher rather than like Anoop.  The judges called him a “wannabe” and Anoop disagreed.  I was ready to side with Anoop until he blew it for himself by saying  something to the effect that he chose the song because it was one of the best songs by one of the best R & B artists out there and that he himself  was “trying to be an R & B artist.” Exactly Anoop.  That’s what the judges were telling you.  If you are an R & B artist, then you already are an R & B artist.  You are admittedly “trying to be.”   Love the guy regardless though.   I’m sure that the recent success of Slum Dog Millionaire played a conscious choice in Anoop’s casting.  He’s being put in the position of underdog week after week, whether it is from harsh criticism from the judges or whether it is through continually putting him in the stressful situation of being last choice or last chance, or suprise YOU TOO!! Is it lucky or unlucky #13.   He did well the past couple of weeks though and it is uplifting to me, and probably to others too, to see him improve and grow through this experience.  We do love those that are evolving, meeting challenges and rising up.   He still has the potential to knock my socks off.  My heart is still open for Anoop.  The guy has personality America…you decide! ;)  ………………. Nah, he won’t win.

Matt.  I think this guy is pretty shiny, and I really love some of the stuff he is capable of.   The judges are absolutely right when they are directing him to stick with the more soulful stuff because his voice is sweet and he is incredibly talented when he is singing from the heart.  I think he has been undeservingly scraped along the bottom in the past couple of weeks with voters and may be feeling a bit rattled because of it.  His song choice today reflected that he was trying to give them what he thought they wanted from him.  Seeing him behind the piano surrounded by smiling girls kind of brought that home for me.  Do they make those decisions for themselves, I wonder, or does production decide where the piano goes.  Matt isn’t your standard drop dead gorgeous kind of guy.  He doesn’t have a big pearly white smile and I keep wishing that he will show up the next week having had his teeth whitened.  I know it is a silly thing to focus on but the songs are coming out of his mouth and I can’t help but notice that he has little teeth and is all gums and that wouldn’t look so bad if they were whiter.  However, he IS the kind of guy that one can unexpectedly find themselves attracted to.  Last week when he got up from the piano and danced around a bit, I was actually rooting him on.  It was a step of courage that I needed to see from him and while seemingly a tiny bit nervous about it, he was also pretty comfortable looking as well.  He was singing a really sexy song and pulling it off, even without the tooth whitening. Unfortunately, America must want the tooth whitening though because despite the fact that he was amazing, votes didn’t reflect that.  I think that is why Matt chose the wrong song again.  Last week was a good choice and he sang it well.  The poor boy is confused.   The pressure must be incredible to these people.  Staying true to yourself is got to be a real challenge under these circumstances.  I hope he gets to stay and that he has caught on to what he is doing right and doing wrong in song choices.  He can’t afford any more mistakes.

Allison kicks ass.  What a fabulous little rocker chick she is.  16 years old!  Amazing.  However, the part that confuses me about her is that the hard edge I hear in her voice feels like it should have at least partially been acquired through drinking Jack Daniels and smoking a pack a day, and that doesn’t work for me if she is only 16.   I was such a good girl at 16 myself, so …..   Ya, I used to sing when I was her age as well, and for a few years afterwards, and rock music at that.  I only WISHED I could have been as good as this girl is.    She’s been doing this since she was a wee one too, so she may actually be capable of maintaining that raspy Janis Joplinish raunch without losing her voice.  I on the other hand started to sound like Janis Joplin when she talked.  My own mother stopped recognizing my voice on the phone.  

Tonight’s number was good for me.  The beginning of the song showed that she can do soft and melodic and still have control and the rest of the tune was typically rock it out Alison.  However, the outfit was stupid.  The first thing I noticed when they started the show tonight was the sore thumb she was in the line up of contestants.  She isn’t a skinny girl and the puffy skirt thing made her look chunky.   That kind of Cindy Lauperesque look seems to be more appropriate on a pop rock girly girl, and Alison has more of a full on take her seriously type of rock edge to her.  I would style her in jeans or chamo and leather, maybe some Doc Martins and possibly a lacey fingerless glove to girl it up a smidge.

So that leaves me to Danny, Adam and Kris.   Any of these three can win it. I’ve been leaning towards Danny and Adam from the get go, but Kris is really stepping up and showing that he has some star stuff.  I expect that we will soon start to find out more about his own “back story” besides the simple point that he has a wife.  This is where the editing process really intrigues me.  Why does this dude have no story yet?  The only thing we have learned about him is that he has a wife, which I agree with Simon, may not have been a good thing to share so early on in the competion.  After all, Kris does have a look that will appeal to the girls….of all ages and now they have to block out the fact that he is married to someone else and there is less of   chance for them. I’m taken, so I don’t think that way myself. ;)    He’s a charmer I think, with an adorable little twinkle in his eyes.  We really haven’t seen a lot of his personality. I get the feeling that he is that sort of kind of shy guy that is holding back just enough to make a girl curious.  Last week he brougt out a bit more personality, and I am seeing that happen a little more each week.  Tonight he was amazing! Loved every morsel of his performance and the arrangement of the song.  He seemed completely at ease and in total command.  Very polished performance and one that really makes me wonder what we are going to see from him next. 

Danny… Danny… Danny……..what a story his life is.  Such a young person and already having to experience the tragic loss of his young bride and such a short time ago.  Every song he sings I listen to the lyrics for meaning as it applies to his life and he always chooses and sings from the heart.  This moves me.     I LOVE his sexy hoarse voice~!  He always sounds like he is ever so close to the embarassing voice crack of a 13 year old boy, but he never falters.  He makes it work every time, even though it isn’t technically perfect.  Tonight I found his performance to be breathtaking.  I was actually taken back and moved to tears.  Could he have chosen a more perfect song?  You know we want to believe that she could hear him sing it too, his wife, and that she is helping him along the way to succeed and move higher in this competition.  He represents such incredible strength and faith and we want and need to see and feel more of that in our lives, don’t we?  All that and he rocks it too!!!

Adam.  Blows me away.  Unbelieably put together and polished.  Voice is beyond amazing.  He is as good as any of the great power rockers of the past and present.  What a vocal miracle he is! Put that together with showmanship that goes leagues beyond anything I have ever seen from any of the contestants and you have Adam Lambert. He is also very smart about how he is playing this.  I wasn’t sure how to feel about his  Ring of Fire rendition.  Well, I actually hated it and was a little worried for him. Though I knew if he had scared off his voting fans with that one, that he would have been saved by the judges.  Last week he was brilliant for taming it down a notch.  After all, I think there still a few of us that might have needed to be wooed out of our hiding place after the scary country song.  Don’t get me wrong.  I actually respect that that he is defintely not a country dude, and trying to mold himself into one for the Grand Old Opry week would have been a mistake.  However,  I was watching this show without the benefit of any sort of psychadelic enhancement, which may be why I didn’t connect with his particular over-the-top rendition.  Last week he flipped the hair back of his face too and showed moms out there that he isn’t so dark and dangerous, but has a handsome fresh face under there.  I was disappointed to see that he kept the slick backed hair this week. It was too Eddie Munster for me. He did rock my socks off with Play that Funky Music though.  Whether this kid wins the show or not, he is already destined for success.  I am sure that someone somewhere is already planning for sold out concerts in his near future. 

Now how do I get all of this in to one 140 character twitter post?  I guess my blog is still good for Idol chatter.

 As I mentioned in my previous post, Kai caught his first snake this past weekend and he was pretty pleased with himself about it. 

This weekend I continued to explore my new social networking interest, Twitter.  As is with any good designer, the first thing I did was customize my profile with some of my own art (4 or 5 seperate times I think).  It was a bit of a struggle at first, but once I got the hang of it I was pretty quick to bang out some different style variations.  I packaged them up and put them in my store today because with the rate at which I see the Digital Community jumping on the Twitter bandwagon, I just know it’s only a matter of time before they are going to be looking for some “TwitterWare”.   

This is my third go at it with Twitter.  I tried it last summer for the first time immediately after getting my iphone.  However, I couldn’t grasp the concept of simply answering Twitter’s simple question “What are you doing?”  and then reading the responses of others.   Since I had a GPS feature on the Twinkle App I was using on my phone, I noticed that I could read tweets according to geographical location.  So I used the local tweeters to keep me informed about the traffic situation on the 400 .  I even had a few helpful tweets direct me around the tough spots with alternate route directions, all in 140 characters or less. I probably should inject that I was the passenger in the car, enjoying my new phone/plaything.   I’m not the type to use a cell phone driving,  and I can barely text message when I am 100% focused on the texting. 

 I think I might have tweeted a few other times before I gave up.  I just couldn’t “get it”.  I tried.  I visited the twitter website through my pc, and I found the website seemed retro-internet with simplistic and almost tacky design.  Was this thing new?  Would it catch on?  Was there anyone really using this thing?  Is this thing on?    I let that first account slide, and then I would see more and more people in my own circles start mentioning Twitter, so I would open an account and poke around again but nothing really caught on for me, until last week.

Last week I felt like a mental cloud was lifted and for some reason I am currently able to see and understand things that I was previously (at least not in the last little while) struggling to understand.  I think that as a digital designer I spend a great deal of time in micro macro mode, pushing pixels around, up  close and personal.  Being able to pull back and see the bigger picture is something I was having difficulty with for a while. I don’t know if it is an MS thing, or a hormonal thing, or a mood thing, or if it is just a seasonal thing, but there was a shift and I felt it.  Catching on to Twitter is only just a small part of that.  There is so much more going on than that, and I am trying to open up and experience as much of it as I am able.

Kai caught his very first ever live snake this weekend and as he said himself, it was the “just about the best moment of my life so far.  I was trembling.”  Mick captured some great photos and I when I get the camera off of him I will upload them here.  The two were out hiking through the Beaver campground.  Next week is Kai’s first ever Beaver camp and Mick is the Beaver Leader aka Hawkeye.   My heart melts when I see him in his Scout Leader uniform, and his kid is pretty adorable as mini-me in matching gear.   I do hope Mick will blog the story himself, because my retell is just not going to capture the moment as it deserves. 

I know that Kai spotted the snake, and there was some discussion between father and son about how to move through the forest stealthfully so to not frighten the creature, but it slipped away into a hole and out of site.  Kai waited by the hole but Dad moved on.  Mick was taking photos as part of his planning for next week’s scavenger hunt, and when he noticed that Kai was no longer right behind him, Mick turned back and caught the image of Kai standing with his arm stretched out proudly displaying an extremely panicked snake wiggling like crazy to free itself.   Kai was ecstatic, and afraid, and thrilled and proud all at the same time.  

Mick showed Kai how to properly hold the snake and then they took photos before letting it go again. 

“You’ve got to see something Mom!” was the first thing Kai screamed as they came back in the house later that day.   “I will remember this day forever.” he said. 

Moments like this are what it is all about.

This weekend I also signed myself up for blip.fm which is yet ANOTHER social networking application.  Now a Blip is when you share a piece of music along with your micro message,  and I have connected My Twitter with My Blip  so I can share some of my music interests with my twitter friends.   I even sent out my first DJ Studio Maya set today, and I really had a quite a chuckle imagining others actually listening to the song choices. I am pretty sure I listen to music that is very different than what most scrapbookers listen to, and a great deal of my current twitter peeps are scrappers.   It was a fun exercise to handpick and select music to share. I had to listen to so many songs before I settled on a few, and it’s something I don’t do very often anymore.  I tend to like working in quiet and I’ve always been content to let Mick pick the tracks when there is music on.  I gave myself a good dose of beats that made me groove in my seat and I liked that!  So blip and tweet I will continue to do.

This weekend Mick set up a new server and installed some new software for me to learn and play with.  It sort of frightened me when I first looked at it, but I’m going to keep rolling with this renewed clarity for the time being and trust in the process.  I hope that tomorrow I wake up energized and ready to take a good stab at it.  There is so many possibilites with this and I am excited to explore. 

Saw Daniel this weekend.  He dropped in this afternoon to return a suitcase.  He played video games with Kai for a while and then stayed to join us for dinner before he was off to pick up Sam to go out for the night.  He is two weeks away from graduating and I am tickled pink for him.  He didn’t graduate with his class last year because of some mix-up when he changed programs mid-stream.  He had one class he needed to call it done.  He landed a great job back in November so he finished out the last of the classes online.  He doesn’t want to attend the ceremony, which is a little sad because I really wanted to watch him graduate and see him in that moment experience this accomplishment.  Good for you Dan!  You have come such a long way and you are so brilliant.  There is no limit to what you can do when you put your amazing mind to it.

I watched Sunday night tv with the family.  The AFV ritual is a must for all, three on the couch, with the dogs at our feet.   Funny home videos never seem to get old with us.  Tucked Kai into bed to watch The Simpsons with Mick.   We did an extreme pvr slow-mo with the intro to take note of all of the new little changes.  I think that took 10 minutes, and it was worth every hillarious frame.  Laughed ourselves silly through the episode and then tidied up before coming up here to my office, where this weekend….I blogged.

As is with every Friday night….well….and Saturday nights, it was spent hanging with my guy….the love of my life…just chillin’.  We usually listen to music, most of the time something electronic, either ambient, dubb, trance….or a combination of all.  We dim the lights and Mick usually puts some sort of mezmorizing visual on the tv, either a screen saver, electric sheep, or sometimes flickr photo streams, and we try to take a big deep exhale and be still.  

We were both really busy today and winding down from the activities of the day, slumped on the couch, but both with our iphones still in hand.  Just one more email, or one more Tweet each before we turned it off.  Mick never really disconnects though.  The phone is always in reach and frequently gets picked up when inspiration or curiousity drives him to go retirieve some bit of information, either to answer a question or share something with me.   Tonight I remembered that I had downloaded my own version of Bloom for the iphone and we jacked it in to the surround sound system.

He had showed it to me last week from his phone and I was hooked instantly.  He uses his phone as an alarm and he was setting it before bed. It was dark in the room and he turned on Bloom.  The colours and designs were pretty in the dark, but the toy itself is really appreciated for the music it makes through touching it.  I played non-stop for a half hour and he listened blissfully enjoying every minute.  We have Tibetan Singing bowls that we have used for meditation and the practice, and sound is similar.  Very meditative for both of us.

Tonight we played through the sound system and it was all encompassing and a real trip. I think everyone should do this at least once a day, or have some practice or ritual that brings us into this centered peaceful state at least once a day.   Sound brings us back to stillness.  Treat yourself to the experience if you have the means or capability.  This electronic gadget is such a beautiful tool and instrument.  What a brilliant world we live in!   

 Found this little guy on YouTube.  I think that Bloom is a hit with him as well.

So immediately after blogging yesterday I took myself to the local walk-in clinic where I met with a doctor who immediately diagnosed me as having lateral epicondylitis aka tennis or mouse elbow, aka as tendonitis.  Plus, he thinks there may be something else going on as well (maybe related to the MS, maybe something else)  He is sending me for xrays and then later to a specialist to possibly get a more complete diagnosis as well as a cortisone shot.  Well no friggin’ kidding!!!!!!  This is exactly what I said and tried to tell my family doctor who kept insisting that I couldn’t possibly have tennis elbow without feeling pain directly on the bone.  She insisted I had “muscle strain”.  Who on earth has muscle strain for 7 months in the same place?   I am sure she was just mad that I had self-diagnosed.

Let’s face it, most of us who are savy with the internet can usually put together the symptoms and diagnose most of our general health problems.  I knew I had MS before the MRI confirmed it.  I was able to diagnose a very rare parasite condition that Kai came home from Jamaica with, and was also able to tell his doctor what the recommended prescription was.  It was a good thing too because she didn’t have a clue as to what she was seeing on his foot.    I always look to the internet first before I bother to run off to the doctor and when I do go off to the doctor it is usually only because treatment is limited by what she can offer by presciption. 

I get that this annoys a great many physicians.  I also get that some people believe everthing they read on the internet is fact, and that sometimes information can be dangerous for those that tend to over-react.  I’m not that type though.  I am the type of person that likes to research all of my options and understand as much as I can about an issue before making any decisions.    The interesting thing I have discovered is that if one is committed to finding the information then you can sometimes become even more informed than your doctor is on a particular issue.    The fastest way to learn about a disease, for instance,  is to subscribe to a community forum of people who are living with the illness.  They share information and experience and this collective pool can often provide insight and info beyond what only one doctor may be aware of.  Sure, many times the stuff being shared may be mis-information.  That’s to be expected, so nothing I receive in places like this becomes FACT.  It just gives me a starting point for further research and if I hone in on something that I think resonates with how I have been feeling I would then bring it up with my doctor for discussion.   

I am done with Dr. L. completely. ..well maybe not completely.  Once I secure a new doctor I will send her a letter explaining why I am leaving her so called “care”. 

For 20 years I had a doctor I trusted.  She is compassionate, attentive and never made me feel rushed.  She always took everything I said seriously and if she couldn’t diagnose the problem she would refer me.   I moved away from her area and now I have a new doctor and she is the complete opposite.   You might think that solving this problem is as easy as getting a new doctor, and it is, if getting a new doctor were actually an easy process here in Canada.   We have a shortage of doctors.  They have been trying to solve this by bringing in new doctors, and when you are able to get a new doctor you can not change doctors for at least a year afterwards. 

Dr. L.  seems annoyed by my very presesnce.  She asks me what the problem is and then interrupts me while I am trying to respond.  She is a terrible listener.  She has never showed one ounce of compassion, and is generally cold.    She has a sign on her wall that says “only one issue per visit” which I think is ridiculous given that a variety of different symptoms can all be related to the same core problem.  Besides, if this is a billing issue then bill me for two visits, and book me in for twice the amount of time.   My previous doctor would never have made the billing more important than the care. 

 Most of the time I tend to ride out illness or avoid her all together hoping that the problem will just go away.    Yesterday I decided that I really couldn’t wait any longer for the issue in my arms to resolve itself.  This has been going on far too long and I really just need to know that someone else is as concerned as I am, and dedicated to finding a solution.  I am on the wait list to see a new neurologist, but I don’t know that this is actually a neurological issue. I am fairly convinced that this is a combination of problems including a repetetive strain injury from too much time using a mouse and keyboard.    In fact, I am certain of it because the second I pick up the mouse or start typing the right arm screams with pain.   This has been going on for 7 months now.

So yesterday I dragged myself to see Dr. L.   She asked me what was wrong and I started to explain that I have had chronic arm pain since August.  Before I am finished explaining the development of the pain and how I think there is something else involved , and why, she was interrupting me poking at my arm and asking me “does this hurt”.    I asked if I could please finish explaining first and she pulled away, with a very annoyed look on her face. 

 In the end, her brilliant diagnosis was that I have some muscle pain.  She then gives me a prescription for Amitriptyline.  She said it would reduce the inflamation and help me sleep at night.   When I picked up my prescription the pharmacist asked me a bunch of questions regarding why I was needing this script, and when I told him it was for arm pain, he seemed surprised that this was the presciption.  He explained to me then that Amitriptyline is prescribed for many things, and while pain management was one of these things, that primarily it was used for depression.  

5 years ago my neurologist prescribed Effexor for me for M.S. fatigue.   I was on it for 4 years before I was finally able to wean myself off of it.  Dr. L. was aware of this and she knew that I had  to have a pharmacy create a special weaning kit for me, reducing the drug by 10% each week over 10 weeks, which I completed last July.  Here she is introducing another SSRI to my system.  

The pharmacist suggested I not stay on the drug longer than 1-2 weeks tops, yet she has prescribed that I take it daily every night before bed for a month.  The paper work that the pharmacy sent home with me says that the “it is not advisable to stop using this product suddenly, particularily if you have been on it for several weeks.” 

 I refuse to go back and see this woman again.  I would rather take my chances and wait in line at a walk-in clinic than have to deal with her again.  I am completely frustrated.

The weekend was a busy one on the work side of things, and Kai spent most of it playing by himself.  He’s such a great kid, always in a good mood and ever with a cheerful story to tell for any ear he can bend to listen.  I hate it when we waste weekends on work.  Sometimes it can’t be avoided but that doesn’t make much of a difference to a bored 7 year old boy who looks forward to the time he spends with us. 

 He’s pretty good about entertaining himself, and like us he is technically plugged in.  Mick and I are not always in agreement about how much time Kai spends on his computer or playing video games.  Since Mick grew up in much the same way he sees the time as an opportunity for Kai to develop good skills.  I recognize this but I see the pitfalls as well and I worry.    

 Fortunately we have been wise enough to read to him a great deal, and so he is becoming an avid reader  himself now.  He is burning through young reader chapter books, sometimes reading as many as one or two a day.  I am thrilled about that, and so I make a point of keeping him well stocked.  One of our favorite things to do together as mother and son is go treasure hunting and used books can be picked up by the dozens for only a few dollars at the Goodwill. 

This weekend our family time was far too limited and I am feeling really guilty about it.  We ate meals together and had some moments here and there but for the most part Mick and I were stuck here in the office, and Kai was stuck indoors as it rained most of the time.  I’m not even sure where the time went to and how we managed to find our weekend over already.  It seems that one fire would just get put out when another one would start up again.  I just keep replaying the weekend and see us telling the boy that we would be done in just a minute, more times than I would care to count. 

sigh