With the first month of 2010 coming to a close, I have to give myself a bit of a pat on the back because I have stuck to my goals so far in keeping on track with the Art Journal Carvan at SBG and have taken a photo every day (although some were a little lame)  for Project 365.  I am not going crazy on the self-praise though because I haven’t managed to properly schedule in time for some regular new product creation. I suppose time isn’t as much of a problem as is transitioning to the type of mind-space I need for that type of creating. 

I am truly loving the liberty of creating “personal” pages entirely for my own amusement and it takes a true shift of thinking for me to design for others.  This is not to say that I don’t love designing kits and digi products, because I do, and ANYTHING I create is joyful for me, however, there are limitations to what I can do when it is for sale for public consumption. 

On the subject of Gossip.

Play

My Favorite Time of the Day

An Exercise in Simplicity

When I created this page on simplicity last night I spent a great deal of time in silence just looking at the page, watching my thoughts arise and resisting the tempations to splatter elements all over it, or add more of this or that. There are a lot of hidden layers in this PSD of pieces that seemed like a good idea at the time but when visible seemed to defeat the purpose of the exercise.

In the early days of digital scrapping we didn’t have elements that we didn’t make ourselves, and so many of our scrapbooking pages looked a lot like this one…without a lot of layers, shadows or textures, yet every layout I created was as much of a joyful meditative experience as the more complex pieces I can do today.

Last night was a very peaceful one for me and was a reminder about how it is the process of creation that heals and teaches and that the outcome is simply a bonus or a by-product.

I chose the simply image of the butterfly to represent the concept behind chaos theory, which is that a butterfly flapping his wings on one part of the planet, can actually cause a typhoon on another. With that in mind, it becomes ever more crucial to simplify our thoughts and our lives as every action causes a re-action….or like a pebble tossed in the still waters, there is always a ripple.

Part of this week’s intinerary for the Art Journal Caravan was to contemplate the  word “mend” .  The whole itinerary was so incredibly inspiring this week and my head flooded with ideas for multiple pages.  However, all weekend long I struggled with the process unable to put even one of those ideas into the works. 

The situation with the earthquake in Haiti has really been at the forefront of pretty much all of my thoughts this weekend.  So for me the most obvious piece would have something to do with mending Haiti.     Haiti really needs our love and support right now. 

So the next page I decided to tackle in the Art Journaling Caravan is the word Believe.  In my case, I decided to answer the question about some of the things I personally believe in.  Many of these are personal mantras that ring out over and over again in my head to offer myself guidance when dealing with specific life circumstances, or challenges. 

Since the text may be difficult to read, I will copy it in here:
I believe I am creating my own reality and that all thought (conscious or unconscious) is creative.  I believe  that  everything  happens for a reason. I believe that  we are all  One, living through  individual experience  and perspective.  I believe in miracles and magic.  I believe  in eternity  -  nothing ever dies, it only changes form.   I believe that  the present  moment is all that we ever really have.  I believe in listening  to the heart and following my bliss.  I believe aligning with nature is  aligning with Spirit.  I believe that we wander on and off the path throughout our lives and that when we are on the path  there are  signs that  point  the way, and windows  and doors will  open wide to  welcome us.  I believe that there is nothing more  important than love.   I believe that we have chosen to come here to experience ourselves as the  Love that we are, and that challenges  and suffering  of the human  condition can provide the opportunity to  develop compassion.  I  believe in the law of karma  and I believe in the Golden Rule. I believe all human experience is a matter of conscience. I believe that dreams come true  and  that  nightmares  can  come true as well.  I believe that energy goes where  attention flows.   I believe worry is  unconsciously  praying for  a bad thing to happen.  I believe in living life consciously, with mindfulness and intention.  I believe that when the struggle becomes too difficult or life becomes  too serious  that the best medicine is indeed laughter.   I believe I can do anything  I put my mind and heart to.  I believe you can too.   I believe all  things are possible.  I believe that  I am blessed  and I am  living  a blessed life.   I believe children  are  our greatest  teachers.  I believe we are  always in a constant  state of change and no  matter what the  circumstance, this too shall pass.   I believe that  cooperation  is much  more powerful than competition and  that  we  can  achieve greatness when  we work together towards  the same goals.  I  believe  that  you  are another  myself,  and that we  are all a part of the Divine Heart.

The first assignment for week one of the Art Journal Caravan was to select our word for the year.  I took this to mean that I was to select a particular energy that I would like to bring into my life more for 2010.  I pondered the task for quite some time before I actually got started creating some art for it.  I was torn because there are so many things that I feel would be of benefit to my life right now.  The first thing that came to mind was health, vitality or energy.    My life has been filled with so many blessings, but in the past few years my health has been really getting in the way of my fully and completely enjoying those blessings.  The gravity of decline has such a strong hold on me, and  that seems to have a stronger grip with each year passing.  If there were any a time that I was going to be able to overcome, this would have to be it. 

I need to work on my physical self.  I need to make some serious lifestyle changes with regard to eating and exercise.  The years I have spent behind this computer  have come with much consequence and it is time to pay the piper, so to speak.    

However,  I was also very attracted to the word PLAY and for a while I rationalized that if I were to choose PLAY that my health would naturally improve.   After all, while I love my work with Scrapbookgraphics, I have also found that in the last few years that I have been creating less and less for myself and more for others.    I also work long hours, and even when I am not working I am still mentally engaged in work.    I would like more time to enjoy my son as long as he still wants to be with me.  I would love to be able to find a quiet place with my husband, unplugged. 

So it occurred to me that the one word that I could use that would help me achieve all of those things would be Balance.  At first I resisted the word.  I tend to be an extremist and my passionate nature can take me into really deep space.  This intensity of experience is something I have often sought after.  Living for the moment, I have always had that rock star attitude that it is better to “burn out than to fade away”.  Except now that burn out is upon me, I’m wondering how  it is I can possibly cleanse the karma of that lifestyle.   There’s only one way….one step at a time. 

So today, through my art I am following through on a promise that I have given to myself.   With each piece of art created for this journal I am experiencing myself as being dedicated, committed  and able. Empowering myself with these qualities, will give me the strength I need to follow through on some of the bigger issues. 

So it seems as though the theme for January for me is journaling.  I created my Journal Jar project as a hybrid gift project but after I completed it, I realized that it was just the very thing I needed myself to keep me writing. Some days I wake up with the desire but without the focus and having prompts ready on hand to kick-start the writing will definitely be a help for me.   I have always found writing to be easiest when there is a question to be answered and so preparing in advance over a year’s worth of daily journal prompts is extremely helpful. 

Then there is Tangie Baxter’s Art Journal Caravan which I have committed to participating in.  This is a huge undertaking for me because there is very little that I can be tied down to when it comes to art.  I am not the type to work with deadlines and a year long (52 week) commitment to this process is admittedly a tad overwhelming.  Considering how many down days I have had due to illness and pain issues, in the past couple of years, I am genuinely concerned.  I suppose my greatest concern isn’t as much about letting myself down in this process, because I have learned to adapt to the ebb and flow of my circumstances and my energy levels.  However, there is a commitment  to the other group participants that is also weighing heavily on me.  I am excited for the project because I know in the core of my being the benefits that come from a dedication to journaling in any form, and art journaling on a regular basis is something that I have wanted to do for myself for some time now.
 
When Tangie presented me with this idea a while back, I was immediately excited by the prospect both on a personal level and as a benefit to Scrapbookgraphics and our community there.    The buzz about it amongst designers and crew members  was the same for most all of us.  Mixed feelings of excitement and trepidation were common.  Besides the familiar issue of long term commitments, there was also some concern and intrigue amongst some of the more traditional scrappers that they would not be able to mesh with the freestyle look that is often seen as an art journal expression.    I have a simple rule for myself that I use to help me make decisions that I am torn by.  I simply ask myself what it is motivating my choice to take one path or the other.  In the end, I choose the path that is motivated by love and not the one that is motivated by fear.  If fear stands in my way on the path of something I desire, then I know that there is something pretty incredible on the other side of it.  There are only so many opportunities we are given in life to confront and overcome,  and clearly the opportunity for that is here now with The Art Journal Carvan, and for what it is worth, I’m going for it.  Join me!  You can start at any time in the year, so don’t fret if you are reading this past New Years.    I concluded that the only regret I would have about this project, would be if I opted not to do it.  I’m sure you will feel the same.

You can sign up here!

I took a class in college many years ago that was called Understanding the Creative Process.  The main project for this class was to find something that we always wanted to do, but had never done, and then do it.  We were also expected to journal the process.  The one thing I realized through this project was that whether a person actually completed their task or not, they were destined to learn something about themselves along the way.   We learned about our roadblocks, our excuses, our motivators and our inspirations.  We learned about our strengths and our weaknesses and we learned about our fears.  In three years of college, this class turned out to be the most beneficial  to my personal development and to my life overall.   Without a doubt, I am certain that the Art Journaling process fits into the same category and I am eager to get started with it.

In  keeping with the journaling theme, my husband gave me a beautiful wood bound covered Epica journal, along with a gorgeous package of fine art writing/drawing supplies by Prismacolor.   This is quite the step up from my massive collection of doodle books.  My “doodle books” are a collection of hardcover or spiral bound sketch books that I have stashed all over the house.  I easily have 30 of them on the go at any given time and they are simply a place for me to jot down thoughts, ideas for art project, product ideas,  etc, and many of the pages are simply covered with doodles, an action I rely on to keep my hand busy while in creative contemplation.  I have found that in giving my hand the simple task of doodling, it helps to bring focus and clarity to my meditation.

 
The Epica Journal is an absolutely beautiful book that  I am truly a bit intimidated by.  Actually, a lot intimidated by. It is an Italian Beveled Wood Journal with Hand-Cut pages.  It is thick. It is heavy and it was expensive!! I’m going to have to wrestle with myself a bit to get started writing in it.  I have always been a page tearer when it comes to journals, so I am going to have to overcome that urge right off the bat.  Then I am going to have to get past the belief that the words written in it always have to read beautifully and the handwriting impeccable.  That is just not even possible with me, I’m afraid. I’ve never had a nice handwriting and I have never been consistent.  For all the years I have pounded on a keyboard I seem to have very little control with an actual pen any more.  Plus,  the nerve damage caused by MS seems to be primarily localized in my hands for the most part and this also makes it difficult for me to write, especially for any length of time.  I’ve already considered digital print-outs and I may rely on them if need be, however, I would really like to make an effort to get past the anxiety of writing, and enjoy the pencils and pens that came as part of the gift. 

Lastly, there is always my blog here, which has been around for quite a while now and despite the shortage of entries in the past couple of years, it is the longest commitment to journaling I have ever made.   I plan to continue to keep it and more than likely will use it to document my creative process as I continue to explore various creative methods and practices.   I used to have quite a few followers here in years past, but due to my inability to upload regular entries, most of my readers have wandered off.  That’s always been fine by me because  while I do consider that the blog is public, I try not to write for the reader but for myself instead.    On the flip side, for those of you that do still stop by,  you are welcome here.   Feel free to comment or share.  I moderate my comments to avoid spam but I will approve all genuine comments. 

So last night, Kai had the brainy idea to squeeze the lightbulb in his reading lamp that is situated on the back of his bed.  It was one of those new fluorescent spiral shaped lightbulbs that we have all over our house now, because within a year it will be mandatory to use this “energy efficient” alternative to the standard lightbulb.    Well the lighbulb broke in his hands and while he was not hurt, the broken glass and dust fell all over his floor beside the bed and partly on his bed.  Mick remembers that there is something about these things having mercury in them, which is not good, so we start investigating on the internet.  We find out that it is highly toxic and so we call the poison control center, who sent us to this link.:

We have stipped his bed , thrown out sheets, thrown out the pajamas he was wearing, thrown out his pillow.  We opened a window and closed the door and mick followed the instructions for picking up the broken glass and disposing of it.   We are remaining out of the room for the time being and continuing to air it out.  Now we are doing further research to find out if it is really necessary for us to cut out the carpet in his room, and throw away his mattress, but we are hopeful that this may be overkill.   One of the articles I read online involved a similar situation with a child’s room, that cost the person over $2,000 for toxic clean-up in her home!!!!!

I am sharing this information with you now because I am insisting that we remove every one of these lightbulbs from our home.  While they may be energy efficient, they are certainly not safe, in my opinion, given that it requires such extreme action to make sure your home is not contaminated by mercury after a breakage.  This is particularly harmful to children, pets and pregnant women.

Today I am amused. Today I danced in my kitchen for no reason other than the music on Greys Anatomy inspired me to move.  Of all things Grey’s Anatomy music.  Now that’s funny!  Today lots of not so nice things happened and yet, the sun kept on shining for me.  I just can’t stop laughing at how ridiculous and absurd things can be. 

 Today I saw my own face on Etsy looking back at me saying “buy me” ! 

 What? 

Picture those eyes that bulge out of a cartoon character’s head,  accompanied by aaaahyooooogaaaaa horn sound and you will have experienced my moment.  Nope, I am not losing my mind or wandering around in a twisted Malcovich world where there are ME, MYSELF and I s everywhere I turn.   I really was seeing my own face, and someone else was selling it.

A few years back I made a product called a Maya Doll.  It was during the height of one of my deliciously quirky and twisted phases and so I made this kit with all sorts of body parts so that the users could create their own art dolls.  There were a collection of ink stamp faces that I created and for the simple self-indulgent fun of it, I included an ink-stamp of my own face, altered to include some doodled features.  What can I say, it made me giggle.  I never told anyone that the face was my own.  It was such an inside joke, that only I laughed at it, and that’s fine because…well…I’m weird like that.  Since I do not offer my products for commercial use, imagine my surprise when I saw someone else selling my products on etsy in their own collage sheets and digital downloads.  Truth is, not so much a big surprise as this kind of thing is pretty rampant and it is not really the kind of thing that phases me too much.  However, what did make my jaw fall on the floor was the simple fact that they were selling MY FACE and calling it their own.   I mean, this is hilarious and absurd all at the same time…and I can’t seem to stop laughing about it. 

Some of the studio girls told me that I should get a bumper sticker that reads “I’m handling things very well – considering someone is trying to sell my face!”.  I snorted Pepsi out my nose when I read that.   

I wrote to the Etsy seller and told her to take my FACEOFF  (ba dum dum ching) and she did that immediately, but there were a bunch of other files in her store that also belonged to me, and she was selling the wares of other artists whom I am quite certain she had no permissions from.  When I told this to her, she became rather rude and told me that I should have better things to do than be the Etsy Police.  She called me a dummy and an Etsy Grinch and then she closed down her store, more than likely to avoid having Etsy investigate her.  A dummy?   Does anyone use this term beyond grade 3?  I laughed at this too.   It really is so absurd that it is funny.  Her excuse is that she was given the files by some friend a long time ago and there was no TOU included in the folder.  So she didn’t even buy the product to begin with and tells me this as if it somehow relieves her of her responsibility to sell products that she has either made herself or has permission to use.  She steals from me and when I tell her that she is doing so, she makes me into Meanie Maya the Etsy Grinch, and she’s “bored with doing collage sheets anyway.”  

Am I dreaming people?  Is this really happening?   I suppose I am not the only person in this world to have my face stolen and sold.  LOL   After all, I myself was using Einstein and some other dead celebs in my art doll package.  So in this sense, I guess it is not all THAT wierd.  

……. hmmmmmmm YA it’s weird!!!  However, it is also funny.  I can’t stop humming the tune to the song sung about the Grinch in the Grinch Who Stole Christmas.      

I’m a mean one, Etsy Grinch.
When you sell my face I flinch.
I am no police for Etsy
and If with me you messy
I will pinch
Etsy Grinch! 

So today I am amused with this little Face Lift ( (ba dum dum ching)  I might wake up tomorrow in a truly monstrous mood, but hopefully not, because I’m really diggin’ the happy!  I definitely need better music though.

Been feeling artistic lately. 

Halloween weekend was a blast around here.  The new neighbourhood is filled with holiday spirit as many of the homes were over-the top decorated in haunted house fashion.  I even ran out on Saturday morning to pick up last minute decorations for our own home.  I think we got rid of the few things we had prior to moving.  Kai will tell you that his favorite holiday by far is Halloween and I think I felt the same way as a kid myself.  For me it was all about coming up with an original costume and back then, most of us made our own.  I actually became rather well known over the years as having a great tickle trunk filled with dress-up supplies.  For many years I was the go-see gal for unique halloween costumes all of which I made myself.  I was pretty handy with a needle and thread and despite the fact that I never owned a sewing machine, I would sew up entire costumes by hand.  Some of those included a Gumby costume, Sylvester the cat, a saloon girl, Elton John, Dolly Pardon and many, many others.  

When Daniel and Brendan were younger I was usually more excited about Halloween than they were.  In fact, they didn’t have a great deal of say in what they wore as costumes for many years.  I remember the year that Daniel (who was in grade 2 at the time) wanted to be Batman and I convinced him that my homemade elephant costume was much more interesting and unique.   While all the other boys in his class were super heroes, he toddled in to class with an overstuffed costume, big ears and a tiny rubber trunk.  He looked incredibly adorable despite the fact that it scarred him for life.  LOL

Store bought costumes greatly improved over the years and I am the number one sucker for a cute, furry get-up.   My favorite for Kai so far was the lion costume he wore when he was 2 or 3.   However, the dragon and the dog were also sweet.  A couple of years ago the game was stepped up a notch with his interest in pirates and star wars.  Sadly I went along with this graduation, ever lamenting over the days when he was content to be our furry little cutey.  This year he  took it a step further and went trick or treating all decked out in gruesome gear.   My baby is growing up it seems.  However, even as a terrifying looking little “zombie child” he was still our adorable little boy.